This may not be the post you were expecting to see from me, but here it goes. Seems to be a trend that I don’t blog on the weekends. Lots of stuff happens on the weekends and I just don’t seem to get to it. This weekend it has been especially tough to swallow. Friday I was thankfully busy with the kids and their school activities. They are so awesome! Since I had a Time Trial on Saturday the kids stayed with my parents. My parents and the kids always seem to enjoy their time together. I had some conditioning to take care of, so it all worked out. The time trial went well. Somehow I set a personal best even though I hadn’t eaten anything but Shakeology since Thursday night (2 Shakes on Friday and one Saturday morning before the race). Emotionally I am a wreck. Financially I am nonexistent. But physically somehow I am enduring even though I know at some point if I keep going like this, surely that will fail as well. Even though it may not seem like it on the surface or through my Facebook feed, I have been avoiding something for a while. I have not been taking care of me and there is nothing of me left to give. I am tapped out. I am sorry if I am letting anyone down but I need to stop this charade. I am not happy. I am not doing well.
And I am done putting on that facade. I had every intention of taking this thing through 120 Days and I may very well complete it, but if I do, I am going to do it for me and no one else as it should be. Life is hard. Being a dad is hard. Being a good ex-husband is hard. Being a significant-other is hard. Success is hard. Getting in shape is hard. Staying in shape is hard. Eating healthy is hard. Being accountable is hard. If you can do it and you really want it, anything is possible. But if you don’t take care of yourself and do the things you need to do to provide a stable foundation for yourself and for the people you love and care about, it can all come crumbling down when the balance gets too far off. Unfortunately, sometimes that crash comes a bit too late and everything you have worked for is suddenly gone or just out of reach. I guess that is where I am right now. Starting over from the beginning.
I apologize to everyone I have let down over the past few years. I thought I was doing what I needed to be doing but apparently that was not the case. I don’t blame any of you for jumping ship, not doing the things I may have asked you to do, or even not wanting to be involved in what I was so excited about sharing with you. I get it. I mean the stuff I do really does work. Health and Fitness wise I have never been in better shape. Mentally and Financially I was never ready to let it work as it has worked for so many of my friends and mentors. And that is where I have failed so many of the people who were closest to me. I am somewhere underneath all of the rubble and it is time to start digging my way out.
I am going to take some time away. Not exactly sure what that means yet, but it is my intention to come back strong and ready to help those people that are ready to accept my help and do what it takes to get to where they want to be. I am not giving up. I know it is possible. We just have to be ready to make it happen for ourselves without any reservations. So for now this is my last blog post. I wish you all the Happiest of Holidays and a Wonderful New Year! I hope to see you on the other side……good journey!
Friday, November 21, 2014 – Weigh-in: 173
P90X2 X2 Shoulders + Arms and X2 Ab Ripper and X2 Yoga
Saturday, November 22, 2014 – Weigh-in: 170
12.9 Mile Time Trial and Foam Rolling Recovery
Sunday, November 23, 2014 – Weigh-in: 168
P90X2 X2 Recovery + Mobility